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How Weird Are Parrot Owners?
Let Us Count the Ways!
What is the matter with you parrot people?
That’s how I was thinking of starting this article, but instead I decided on something a bit more subtle. Like, “What peculiar traits do parrot owners share?”
Because, let’s face it, parrot people are weird. Now don’t deny it or send me indignant notes about how normal you are — you’re not fooling anyone. Think about it: When a normal person brings a pet such as a dog or a cat or a goldfish into their homes, they continue to lead normal lives. They socialize with other normal people, they continue to listen to the same types of music, read the same types of books, eat the same types of foods as before. You, my parrot-afflicted friend, do not.
So how odd are you? Let’s make a list!
You are a scholar of psittacinism. You scour the Internet and bookstores for research material on parrots. You join discussion groups and share in agonizing detail each tiny movement of your parrot with other parrot owners, who then share a more-than-unusual interest in everyone else’s parrot’s poop. In fact, poop now occupies so much of your thought and free time that you have lost interest in politics, career, and IRA earnings.
You have begun avoiding normal people, because your parrot seems to have taken a dislike to normal people. This includes your spouse. When he (or she) walks into the same room as you and your bird, there is obvious resentment at the intrusion. However, you are trying to stop reacting this way.
You eat parrot food. That is, you have taken to eating the special healthy people food you fix for your parrot. It’s so much easier than separately preparing the usual junk for yourself. This is, in general, a good thing. (Just remember to avoid the birdie bread you made with Harrison’s.)
You have rearranged your furniture to accommodate your bird and future birds. If you are severely…
